I'll Always Love You
by SMS13
Summary: A change of events changes two lives forever...
1. Default Chapter

EMAIL: ellaspyrka@yahoo.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: You people know the drill... These are not my characters, they are NBC, Warner Bros... yadda yadda yadda...I just borrow and return...  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This story was inspired by Keri {you rock!} whether you realize it or not!! Thanks tons.Hope ya like. Thanks for reading. Email me with ideas or suggestions. Love ya all! *-* Ciao!  
  
SUMMARY: There is no summary for this. You just have to read it. I have no clue how to summarize this part. It's crucial to the whole story!  
  
~*~  
  
She walked away from her dreams. Its foundation was crumbling under the deteriorating building. It was bound to collapse any second. She barely entered the woods as she felt the earth shake. The huge building tumbled. Years of memories, dreams, wishes, all destroyed. Destroyed into millions of pieces, and blown away into the wind. The woods were dark... lifeless.. empty... hollow... dead... She continued straight in a slight jog. She didn't know why. There wasn't a single thing alive in there. Neither trees, or animals, or birds. The silence was piercing her body. She continued to move forward. She felt a sharp pain, in her hands, then take over her body. She looked down. She was holding a rose, the thorns piercing her delicate skin. The blood flowed like an endless river, soaking her clothes, with the dark red, life-giving substance. Yet she didn't let go. She held on to the rose, like it was her only thread, holding on to life. She entered the empty field. Nothing grew. Dead grass under a dark gray sky. She continued towards the center. Why? She couldn't give herself an answer. As she reached the center she saw the solid granite block. It too, like the mansion, was crumbling into pieces. It looked like it would break away with a simple gush of wind. She crept closer as the wind took flight. It had started howling. She could barely make out the words..."Abby... I'll always love you..." She finally reached the grave. It had been all but blown away. She fell down and cried. Her tears, not nourishing, but destroying even more, the empty field. She was then whipped away by a voice she only heard in nightmares. " Abby! Abby, wake up, sweety." She was back in reality. In the warm bed next to Luka. "Are you okay?" She felt like she was still wandering in the lonely forest. His voice sounded concerned. She didn't want to wake up. She didn't want to let go. Her hands ached. Her mind hurt. Her soul screamed. She woke. 


	2. Undone Mistakes

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Part Two! I am sooo proud of myself. LOL *-* Keep reading. It's starting to get even better! And make sure you read the first part or this makes no sense!  
  
SUMMARY: The mistakes people make are sometimes unable to be fixed.  
  
~*~  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine. Bad dream."  
  
It was a bad dream right? Or was this it? She laid back down as he rubbed her shoulders and back, then pulled her hair out of her face. A moment of silence held between them, then Luka's voice echoed in her mind.  
  
"I'm glad you decided to come back."  
  
What was she supposed to answer with?  
  
"I'm glad I decided to come back, too.  
  
It was partially true. She kissed him and laid down. Abby was exhausted. She didn't know why she had agreed to go back to med school. Right now, she wished she hadn't. As she started to fall asleep, she felt a tug on her side of the bed.  
  
"Annette, go back to bed."  
  
She knew Annette would go lay down for ten minutes, but then come back, and go to Luka. He would bring her into bed with him. He loved her. Even if she wasn't really his. Abby lay there and pondered for while. She's engaged to Luka. But why did she always feel like something was missing, like her whole heart was pushing her away. She looked at him. His deep eyes, restful face, dark complexion, muscles. He was everything she wanted, right? He had changed. She gave him credit for that. He became a new person. Loving, caring, heartfelt. He always put Abby before himself, and now, also Anna. He was a good man. And a great father. But something still wasn't right. Abby was surprised that Annette hadn't come back yet. She started to worry, and got up to check on her. She walked into the room that Luka had so happily decorated with ducks and bunnies on a light blue background. He was happy when he found out she was pregnant. He wanted to be a father again. It didn't bother him that Annette wasn't biologically his. He loved her all the more. Abby, on the other hand, loved her daughter with her whole heart, but it hurt so much to look at her. She looked exactly like Carter. A part of her life's long miserable story she was trying to forget. She went over to Annette, pulled the blankets over her, and kissed her. She then sat down, and started to cry, like she had always before. She cried when no one was looking. She hid behind a mask.  
  
~*~  
  
Carter laid on his bed. He was exhausted. But he couldn't fall asleep. He looked at his clock. It was 2:17 in the morning. He got up, put on his robe and slippers, and moved towards the kitchen. Maybe some food or fresh air would help. He walked past his mantle, and saw the picture he still kept there. The picture of him and Abby, at the Pier. It was taken only 3 years before. She glowed. He loved her smile. He still did. Then a rush of anger swept over him. He didn't know why he kept that damn thing around. He grabbed it, and threw it against the wall. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a cup of tea, and walked onto his balcony. Seattle was gorgeous. The mountains in the background, along with the river, and the ocean. It was a totally different city than Chicago. More peaceful. No wonder Doug and Carol had decided to move here. That was another threat to him. Doug and Carol. He had specifically told no one, but Susan, where he was moving to. He hadn't encountered them yet, and hopefully would never. He sat down on his patio chair, and looked up at the stars. He felt like crying. He didn't understand why. He felt empty, alone. He did everyday since he left Chicago.  
  
~*~  
  
Abby got back into bed, where to her surprise, Luka was awake. She quickly dried her tears. She felt his hands slide over her body, and hold her close. He quickly snuggled in. She felt uncomfortable, not just tonight, but every night. Why was this so hard? He was gone. Miles away. Yet he still controlled her. But then again, this misery was only her fault, and her fault alone. If only she hadn't lied. If she hadn't started drinking. If she hadn't told him that she didn't love him. She loved him. More than he would ever know.  
  
"Abby... Abby? Is everything okay?"  
  
No, she wanted to scream. Everything was NOT okay.  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry."  
  
But she put up her defense wall, and said nothing.  
  
"Are you ready for tomorrow?"  
  
She wished tomorrow wouldn't come. Yet time seemed to be moving faster and faster.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Why did she do this to herself? Why couldn't she just tell him the truth?  
  
"Abby, I love you."  
  
It pierced her heart. Luka really did love her. But she was just torturing him more. She didn't respond, just put her head down and tried to fall into a restless slumber. 


	3. Cannot Go On

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Part Three! I never thought I'd get this far!! LOL *-* Keep reading... PLEASE!! Don't leave me now! It's starting to get even more dramatic! And better have read the first and second parts!  
  
SUMMARY: What happens when your heart won't let you live without the one you love?...  
  
~*~  
  
Carter received the call at 5:13. He was wide awake. Never went back to bed. He was on the next plane to Chicago at 6:05. Gamma had died in her sleep. He knew his parents would take a few days to even call. But he had the arrangements ready. Carter knew this day would come, and he was thankful he had everything prepared, because he wouldn't be able to do anything now. He was sad. But not surprised. As he sat on the plane, he mentally debated whether to call Susan or not when they landed. She had told him to call whenever he was in town, and Susan did know Gamma, but then again, so did *she*. He decided to wait. He didn't want to put any extra pressure on himself right now. He zoned back as he heard the announcements. They would be landing in about 15 minutes. Back to Chicago, he thought. The Windy City, the city with so much to do and see, yet none of it appealed to him anymore. Only one person. His heart ached. He pulled himself together, as he stepped off the plane to claim his luggage.  
  
~*~  
  
Abby got up, but noticed Luka was gone already. He's probably up with Annette. They both liked to get an early start. Always. She laid back down, and noticed a rose on Luka's pillow. It had a card. "Abby, I love you with every breathe of my being. You make my life complete, worth living. I hope you feel the same way. Love, Luka." Did she feel the same way? Or was she holding on to a broken dream? A lost wish? A hopeless cause? She reached into her drawer, and pulled out the engagement ring from years ago. She didn't know why she had kept it. She looked at it again. The inscribed message always made her laugh. "Abby, coffee and pie? Love you, forever and always. Johnny." She knew he hated that name. But she had called him that every night in bed. She laughed. She slipped the ring onto her finger. It felt like it was still meant to be there. That was 3 years ago. It felt like only yesterday. She pulled the ring off. It was a lost memory. She whipped the ring across the room, as a small tear escaped her eye. It was over. Done with. She got out of bed, and walked past the white flowing dress. Today was the day. Why did it feel so wrong?  
  
~*~  
  
Carter walked up the stairs, as his cell rang. He didn't have to even think about calling Susan again, she had read his mind.  
  
"Hey Susie."  
  
She hated that name. That's why he used it.  
  
"Don't call me that. Your signing your own death certificate."  
  
He laughed, she laughed, but then a moment of silence was appreciated.  
  
"I heard about your grandmother, John. I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do..."  
  
He knew she was sincere.  
  
"Thanks. Umm, Susan, are you off today?"  
  
He needed to talk to someone, anyone.  
  
"No, but I haven't taken a sick day for about 2 weeks. I'll be over in about 20 minutes."  
  
He was relieved.  
  
"Thanks Susie."  
  
Yet once again, they both laughed. That's what he liked about Susan. She was easy to talk to. Easy to get along with. She boosted his spirits.  
  
"You're gonna get it Johnny."  
  
He laughed as he closed his cell and put it back into his pocket. He had a strange feeling about being called Johnny, but he couldn't remember why. Carter started up the stairs. He needed to get the rest of Gamma's papers before Susan arrived. Gamma had some last wishes he needed to respect. He noticed the house was empty. And dead silent. His father must have already called and let the help go early. There was no reason for them to be there anyway. Carter liked the silence anyway. He walked past his bedroom, but returned to it. On opening the door, a wave of roses, and scented candles hit him. The bed held so many memories for him. Then he remembered. She had always called him Johnny. Only in bed. Only when she said she loved him. He quickly walked out, and shut the door. It was too hard for him. He barely got to the study when the bell rang. It was probably Susan. He ran down the stairs, and opened the door. There she stood. Susan Lewis, MD. Blonde hair, longer now, and blue eyes. But she was still the same. She gave him a hug. They stood there for a while. Half the time, he was thanking her for coming. The other half, wishing that this was all a dream.  
  
"Thanks for coming, Susan."  
  
He meant it.  
  
"Yeah, well it's better than getting barked at by Weaver all day."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"How is Kerry? And everyone else?"  
  
He wondered, mostly about a certain person.  
  
"Everyone is okay. We miss you Carter. You should come back."  
  
He had pondered that thought many times. His whole family, or whatever was left of it, was in Chicago. Also, all of his friends. He didn't socialize too much back in Seattle. But, it was too painful.  
  
"How's uhh..."  
  
He knew she read him face. He didn't need to say her name.  
  
"She's with Luka. But it's... She's not... I don't know... She's falling apart."  
  
Instead of pity, he felt satisfied, but only for a second. She did it to herself. Then he wished again, that those weren't the words he had to hear. He shouldn't have even asked.  
  
"Carter, are you okay?"  
  
Maybe, he thought.  
  
"Yeah. I'm fine."  
  
They sat in a moment of silence.  
  
"Carter, there's something you need to know."  
  
He looked at her. Her eyes were pleading for an easy way to say something. She grabbed his hands, and held them.  
  
"Carter, today, today's the wedding. I'm sorry..."  
  
He didn't expect that. The last thing he needed was to find that out today. He looked up at Susan. He was still trying to avoid eye contact. He then felt her arms wrap around him. His face buried into her chest, and he cried.  
  
"Carter, you should come. Say good-bye. You need to move on. Somehow."  
  
He knew she only wanted the best for him. He couldn't say it. He just nodded his head okay. 


	4. Leaders and Followers

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Part Four! Now I'm beginning to think I should become a world famous author... LOL *-* It's almost over so you might as well keep reading. And make sure you read the first through third parts or this makes no sense {Am I gonna have to repeat this again?}! And don't worry. There's only one more part left.. So don't cry!  
  
SUMMARY: Sometimes our hearts tell us one thing, and our heads another. Which one will we follow?  
  
~*~  
  
Abby walked up the stairs to the church. This was it. Maggie was so proud. She had even helped Abby pick out her dress, and did her hair this morning. She was finally playing mother the right way. Erik was better, too. They both stayed on their meds. From the outside, it looked like a happy family. No one would ever know how much pain and suffering she had gone through with them. Erik was waiting to walk her down the aisle. He smiled at her. She felt like turning around and running away. Where? She didn't know. But somehow, she knew, she would end up in Seattle, at Carter's door. As Erik grabbed Abby's hand, Maggie put Annette down, and set her on her way with the flowers. Abby took a deep breath. This was it. She started down the aisle. Leaving everything she had wished she could have done behind.  
  
~*~  
  
When Susan and Carter had finally managed to get to the church, the ceremony had already started. They slipped in quietly in the back, and tried to remain unnoticed. Especially Carter. He didn't want anyone to see him, first off, in Chicago, at Abby's wedding. Second, he didn't want them to see him crying. After a while, he finally managed to look up. She looked beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. There were no words to describe her. She, most plainly, took his breath away. After that, every moment that the ceremony dragged on, was like a knife, stabbing him over and over. Every time, it found a new place to attack. It was unbearable. He couldn't breathe. It eased a bit as Susan grabbed his hand and held it tight. Then came the moment he had waited for. He could, maybe, get her back. The words rang in his head..."If anyone is against the marriage of Abigail Lockhart and Luka Kovac, speak now, or forever hold your peace." He opened his mouth...  
  
~*~  
  
Abby prayed someone would say something. Anything. Anyone. But the church remained silent. Still as the dark of night. She felt like she was slowly dying. Being suffocated. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. She was like a puppet on a string. Yet somehow, "I do..." came out of her mouth. That was it. The end of her torture.  
  
~*~  
  
He couldn't understand why he hadn't said anything. Why he stood there quietly, while his soul was screaming. Why he let Abby marry Luka. He looked at her again. On the most joyous day of her life, she still had the pouty face on. Eyes, full of emptiness, sadness, and loneliness. He couldn't see her. He couldn't let her see him. He let go of Susan's hand as he got up and walked out of the church.  
  
~*~  
  
As Abby turned around, Luka on her right hand, she noticed a lone, solitary figure stand up and walk out. Silently. Then it hit her. It was John. She left go of Luka, and ran down the aisle, then the stairs, trying not to fall.  
  
"John! John, wait!"  
  
She didn't know what she was going to say. What he was going to do. She looked up at him. His eyes glowed once again. But they were also full of tears. She tried to wipe them away, but he moved, out of her reach.  
  
"Abby, congratulations. I hope you're very happy with Luka. Like I said before, I don't want to wish bad things for you and Luka. I wish you only the best."  
  
Abby couldn't speak. She was dumbstruck. She had wished he had come back. Wished that he still loved her. Wished he would forgive her. She looked up at him with pleading eyes.  
  
"Goodbye Abigail Lockhart. I'll always love you."  
  
With that, she watched him turn his back, and walk away. He was gone. Forever. 


	5. A Lost Soul

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The big finale!! Can I save the story, after all that just happened? Well, you'll just have to finish reading. I mean it's only a very sorta shortish-longish paragraph. And please, don't cry!  
  
SUMMARY: What does the future hold for two lost souls?  
  
~*~  
  
45 Years Later...  
  
She stood at his grave. Never forgave herself. He had died. Alone. Heartbroken. Forgotten. Yet she had thought about him every day of her life. She still did. She raised 4 beautiful children with Luka. But she was never truly happy. She had just 'settled' for the better. Now, when she was nearing her grave, she wished she had run after Carter. She loved him, like she loved no one else. Luka wasn't love. It was only mutual companionship. Her heart was with Carter. It always had been. Those words he said still echoed in her head. It felt like only yesterday. "I'll always love you..." She knelt down, and put a single, solitary, red rose on his grave. She was still covered in tears. If she had only known. If she had only reached out as a friend. But not even that. It took her 45 years to find out what love was really like. And what the meaning of true loss was. He had died alone. He never married. No friends. No family. They said he died of old age. Abby knew better. He had died of a broken heart. She said the words she hope he would somehow hear..." John. I'm sorry. Please. Somehow forgive me." She finally cried tears she had hidden for so many years. "I love you. I always did. And I'll always love you, too..." With that, Abby felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. The world glowed more brightly, then darkness hit. She lost control over her body. They found her the next day. She had died with the one she loved. She had a smile on her face.  
  
~*~ 


End file.
